duh

  • student: Ms. Coleman, what's your first name?
  • me: Miz.
#dead

If I can ever be of service to you, let me know and I will find someone to come help you out.

You’re in a burning house. And if I’m in a burning house, I’m not stopping to pop popcorn before I get out.

Steve LaFrance on delaying becoming a Christian
GPOY
Prev Next 1/5
alt: Lifehacking!
  • mommy: This girl still has Sprint!
  • me: Well, y'all still use AOL, so...
  • mommy: Shut up, nobody asked you.
  • me: Oh no! Teddy just put up this status on facebook - "Fell off my bike and broke both my arms. Surgery went well, but in much pain. Please pray."
  • mommy: how is he typing that?

"it's all about the journey, right?" nope. beans.

  • me: i don't know that my journey would count for a hill of beans if i wasn't about to get my diploma
  • JoPo: It wouldn't.
  • me: minus, you know, becoming a christian
  • JoPo: Right. That's like two hills of beans, though.
  • me: i can't.
  • JoPo: Beans are valuable!
the-absolute-funniest-posts: Follow this blog, you will love it on your dashboard I JUST DIED

Today we remember the Battle of Hogwarts

Tomorrow is May 2nd, the day the battle of Hogwarts 14 years ago. The day that Harry, Ron and Hermione snuck back into Hogwarts and destroyed the Horcruxes. The day that Harry finally defeated Voldemort. We remember everyone who fought in the war and all those who died. Fred Weasley, Nymphadora Tonks, Remus Lupin, Colin Creevey, Severus Snape and more. May we raise our wands to those who fought and died. Remember, remember May 2nd 1998.

wait. but why did i just get emotional. 

Every time you’re thinking, “Oh, the Wild West sounds fun,” all I can think is, “You know what would be dope? Hanging out somewhere where I’m not encumbered by all these rights.

yoisthisracist.com